march 19th

gosh, sometimes thoughts can ruin your whole day. once in a while i get to thinking what my life should be like... i've been married almost 3 1/2 years and we should have at least one child by now, but it reality we probably won't have children now. i should still be working as a graphic design in carroll...but i'm not and now i'm changing careers. i should be thinner...but a big thanks to medications they have totally f***** up my metabolism and i struggle to not gain weigh not to mention loss weight. i should be able to remember something someone tells me...but no more than 5 minutes later i've forgotten what they told me. i should be thankful i'm alive...but somedays it would hurt less if i wasn't. i should be thankful for the few friends and family that treat me normal...but sometimes i forget how hard that must be for them too. blah. it's just one of those days.